Well its been quite a while since my last post which means not much to report! Its been almost 7 months since my initial surgery...7 MONTHS! I guess the past 7 months have gone quicker than I thought!
I'm basically just in a holding pattern until I have my second surgery. I get to call next week and see if the calendars for April are open yet so that I can get it scheduled! It will be so nice to finally be done and be able to move on with my life. This isn't something that is going to define me or even be at the forefront of my mind or my life. I chose this path for one reason, to be able to live. To live without the constant fear of getting breast, ovarian, uterine, or cervical cancer. To live for my family. And most importantly to Live for my kids. They change everything. Everyone says once you have kids your life changes but I never knew how deeply my cancer history and medical issues would impact my decisions as a mom. Every cancer scare, scan, or unknown issue led to increased stress and anxiety, a fear that there was a possibility of me not being here for them, not being here able to watch them grow, not being present as a foundation, a rock, in their lives. With this surgery I have decreased my risk of many cancers and have decreased the need for many of the yearly screening tests which were very stressful for me. Something happens once you have cancer. Every screening test invokes a primal fear for what they may find. A simple blood test leads to a fear of secondary leukemia or decreasing blood counts. Every CT scan even if for a completely benign reason, leads you to think of the possibilities of finding some random tumor. I heard the term today when a patients mother spoke to our staff about her sons journey in our department..."Scanziety"... I HAVE THAT! I thought to myself. Nothing is routine or just checking to make sure. Every minor medical symptom or complaint leads to a myriad of tests and scans. There is this underlying thought in the doctors head that well there is this tiny chance it could be something. And afterwards they almost always say, oh I feel so much better now that we checked it out.
Once I am completed with my surgeries and all healed up. Life will go back to a new normal. A normal with peace knowing I did everything I could to prevent everything I could. May be unconventional or not the choice that is right for everyone but never once did I hesitate when I made this decision. I have two amazing wonderful little kiddos and they are worth living for.
