No news is well.. no news!

Still not sleeping great but seem to be getting a tiny bit better. My parents have an old recliner so they are bringing it down this weekend to see if that helps. When we went up north I slept in a recliner and it helped a little more so we'll try it!

Talked to my boss and work is pretty flexible about me taking more time off if I need it. So trying to figure out what the best plan is. Hoping to do two half days maybe next week to test it out and see if I can do it!

I see the gyne surgeon on Monday and plastics on Thursday next week so we'll see how those go! I'm assuming that everything will just stay status quo since plastics doesn't want to do fills until the incisions are completely healed which I am guessing wont be for a while!

Emotionally I am still a bit up and down. Just sucks that this is going to take so much longer of a process than I anticipated and I will be missing out on parts of my kids lives in the meantime which I know in the long run I'll be here longer without cancer (that's the plan anyway!) so will get those moments back later but its still hard. I miss my friends, they miss theirs, I miss being normal. Ok, well I've never really been normal, but miss being me and just aren't my bubbly outgoing self at the moment!

It will all be worth it once this is all done so I keep on trucking!

Sleep in sight?

Well last night tried something new... I took zero meds before bed, no tylenol, no valium, nothing. I noticed the other day when I tried valium and oxycodone that I was quite relaxed but still couldn't sleep and was still stiff and sore in the morning so it didn't prevent future pain either. So went to bed. Left AJ asleep on the floor downstairs (Jared was down with her, she fell asleep there on her own), and JT was in bed upstairs but apparently at somepoint during the night got up and was yelling for daddy so Jared brought him downstairs too (I obviously slept through it). I think I got around 4 hours of sleep last night (at once) which is a huge improvement. It takes me a while to get moving in the morning but once I am up and going the pain and muscle spasms get better. All three were still asleep together on the couch when I came downstairs!

So I'll try that again tonight, no meds and see if it works again! I think if I could sleep at night then I would feel so much better and not so lethargic during the day.

I started doing some of the stretches today. It made me realize how little I really can move my arms at the moment. Its sore to do the stretches but felt good afterward and even after doing them only once, feel like I got a little more range of motion back. So I'll be attempting those 1-2 times a day.

Incisions and everything are pretty stable and status quo, not really healing much from what I can see on the outside but not getting any worse. I just started having a tiny bit of abdominal pain but I am sure its from using those muscles to get in and out of bed now that I am sleeping in a bit more reclined position. Otherwise the hysterectomy part has caused me no issues or pain or anything! Which I pretty much expected since my last abdominal surgery (hemicolectomy in 2001) went the same way with minimal pain or issues. So at least the hysterectomy double salpingoopherectomy part went perfectly!

I'm getting more use to the feel of the breast tissue expanders inside my chest. They are rock hard, lumpy (since they are empty), and poke out the sides since I am small. My muscles are finally accepting them as being there and aren't fighting them everytime I move my arms. I got new bras. More thin sports bra/half cami type bras that will expand with my expansions. I've got two more on order as well. I also need to order some new scrubs for work that button up so that I can get them on and off as things over my head aren't going to happen for a while since I can't get my arms up that high yet.

I'm working on figuring out what to do for work. I am scheduled to return to work next Thursday the 21st but am not sure I am ready for that yet especially since I just finished hyperbaric this past Friday and am just starting to attempt somewhat of a normal routine. My arms aren't working great yet and I am just so dang tired! I do a lot of computer stuff at work and even blogging for 10 minutes is still tiring. So looking into options on that front as well.

The kids are doing well. They have adjusted fairly well to the new normal of mommy not being able to lift them, run after them, or play in the same way. We are finding other ways of bonding. Last night both curled up with me to read books which was a wonderful feeling that I could finally curl up with both of them and not be in pain. JT (just turned 2) has learned to ask daddy for everything now which is good but kind of sad at the same time. AJ (3 1/2) is doing pretty well except when daddy has to help JT and she needs something at the same time. I am finally able to start helping with more little things with them like getting outfits out, getting a glass of water, snacks, etc. So it's easing the burden on Jared a tiny bit. I even brought a diaper to the park for him! Made it the whole half a block by myself and then sat and watched them play for a bit before heading back. I feel bad that they haven't gotten to see their little friends very much or be able to do all of our normal crazy activities but they are coping pretty well for being so little and not understanding. Hopefully I'll feel better soon so we can at least go on some playdates!

I did get AJ's hair done with the help of Jared taking out the braids, washing her hair, and attempting the first comb through. I did big fat twists with a cornrow around her head and it all ending in a pony tail. It doesn't look great and is pretty fuzzy already so I'll need to redo it soon but it's a start. Cornrows are just too hard right now with having to hold my arms in weird positions for that long. So I'll hold off a couple days and attempt a redo.

I've driven twice now and that is going better than I expected. I'm just a little more cautious around corners and bumps!

We've eaten out a few times and besides looking like a total slob since I am wearing comfy pants (hyst scars still have some scabs and rub) and zip up hoodies (cant get things over my head), and hair combed but not done (can't use a curling iron above my head).. I have been able to make it through most meals. Even met a good friend today and was able to sit for 1 1/2 hours eating and talking and catching up. And drove myself home (ok, it was only a mile from our house but still!).

I am really excited for Wednesday. There is another lady in our area who just had a similar surgery a few days before I did and we are meeting for lunch on Wednesday. Her surgery went very well and she is doing great so it will be nice to meet her and be inspired by her progress!

Moving forward a little!

Had a rough night last night with little sleep due to being sore and uncomfortable. My gigantor pillow ( 6 ft U shaped) came (http://www.amazon.com/Leachco-Back-Belly-Contoured-Pillow/dp/B0002E7DIQ/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1310088764&sr=8-1) and was highly recommended on other PBM forums and I think its going to be great once I get a little better pain control at night!

Had hyperbaric this morning and saw plastics this after noon, here are the highlights:

• Last hyperbaric tomorrow (20 total) but will do 10 more when I have my exchange surgery in the future
• Can stop wearing the binder (YAY! now just need to find bras that will work with expansion, got one at target before surgery that feels pretty comfortable so will be going back to look for more of the same brand tomorrow)
• Everyone thinks the incisions look fine and to just let it be and let the scabs come off as they want
• We wont start filling until the incisions are completely well healed so most likely not for at least another month
• Plan to fill with 1-2 ounces at a time with a goal of 300 cc's to be able to put in a 250cc implant (a can of soda is 355cc's if that gives you some perspective)
• See plastics again in two weeks
• No movement restrictions (just the 10 pound lifting restriction)
• No good suggestions from them for sleeping. I was kind of dissappointed, he doesn't like to use ambien and I was told it will get better to try different positions/pillows/etc. which I have already been doing so hoping to hit a turn around here soon because I need some sleep!
• He isn't worried about my skin for the expansion, he said that with the hyperbaric and the healing looking good that it wont be a problem, they will just do the expansion slowly.
• And I need to drastically increase my animal protein to aid in healing which will be a little difficult. He said at least two burgers a day (or chicken/fish/eggs etc) but wants it to be animal protein. And for those of you who don't know me well, I'm not a big meat eater and am super picky about what meat I will eat! So sloppy Joes for dinner, not insanely healthy but he didn't care if what I ate was healthy as long as it was protein.

So all in all everything is looking better. I'm supposed to start work exactly two weeks from today but need to make quite a bit of progress before then to be able to even go back at 4 hours. Since I have bee doing hyperbaric everyday it wears you out and kind of blows your whole day (drop kids at daycare, do hyperbaric, eat lunch, rest, pick kids up, eat dinner, play, get ready for bed) so not much time for actual healing. So last hyperbaric tomorrow, then my plan is next week to start doing arm stretches to try to get back some range of motion and to sit my laptop at the table and start working on the computer for 15-20 minute intervals to try to increase my sitting on a hard chair/working on a computer endurance, and to start trying to walk longer distances. Right now I get tired really easily and with my job, I have meetings all over the campus so need to be able to walk quite a bit as well. And then at the end of the week we'll see where I am at and if I think I will be able to start work or will need more time or shortened days.

Keep on truckin! Please think happy forward progress for me!

Quick Update

Well I met my goal of being able to go up north with our extended family for the fourth of July!

It was nice to be out in the fresh air, by the lake, just relaxing.

I've got three more scheduled hyperbarics and I see plastics on Thursday to see if they want to do more or not and what the plan is. I've got a new little issue with my incision, its leaking a bit and has two new red areas that make it look like it wants to pull apart. And now one end is peeling as well but that may be expected. So I'll have the hyperbaric doc look tomorrow and see if I need to see plastics sooner or not!

Other than that, nothing new! I am doing somewhat more each day, or at least when I was up north I would rotate from spot to spot to sit so felt like I was doing more! The muscle spasms are getting less intense and I am able to move my arms a little more but need to clarify what my movement restrictions are before I do too much.

More later!

UGH!

Had hyperbaric today and my left ear would not cooperate! Wouldn't pop with the pressure so had intense pain. Tried a bunch of things but they wouldn't let me continue today since they don't want my eardrum to rupture. So I was pulled out. My eardrum is a little stretched and bruised and is most likely didn't cooperate since I am getting over a little cold/allergy thing. So another little set back. If it clears by tomorrow (my ear is all plugged and I can't hear well) then I'll rejoin the hyperbaric crew tomorrow, if not then I'll need a few days off which isn't the end of the world but just another setback and delay to normalcy.

yay!

Hyperbaric this morning then off to see the surgeons. Breast surgeon said that everything from her standpoint is good, all tissue remove was clear of any signs of cancer and I don't need to see her again!

Saw plastics, plan for doing the full 20 hyperbarics so have 9 left and will finish on my birthday! They will do it mornings during the week, no weekends, no holidays, and not July 5th. He seems to think that doing this will make everything back on track. We wont start any expansions for quite a while. He wants everything to be completely healed (no scabs or incisions that are even slightly not healed).

Got the drains outs! YAY! I have massive anticipatory pain anxiety and the surgeon was great and super supportive and it didn't hardly hurt at all!

And so we move forward!

good day.. sort of!

For those of you who know me, you know that I am busy! I hate sitting still, I'm not a huge TV fan, we typically have plans or go to the park or do something fun every night, just busy. Even when we aren't doing anything, we are busy. So as you can imagine, being stuck on a slowdown, take it easy isn't easy for me!

The past two days I've started feeling a bit better, more normal. So today went to hyperbaric and then decided that Jared and I should attempt to go out to lunch. Gotta eat right! So ate at famous Daves which went well. Then stopped at Target to grab a couple things, Jared was just going to run in but I decided I felt good enough to go to....

Got home... CRASHED!!!! So tired, way over did it. Took a 2-3 hour nap! Had a friend stop by this evening, and then snuggled on the couch with miss AJ.

And now since I had a big nap, can't sleep!

So note to self.... feel good... keep taking it easy. One outing not 2!

So depending how things go at the doc tomorrow, I'm hoping to ride with to watch AJ's soccer practice tomorrow.

Still can't lift anything, or even get our fridge door open for that matter so can't be home alone for long and can't be alone with the kids at all, so last night my dear friend Lindsy came and babysat Addy, JT, and I so that Jared could go play frisbee for a bit. Still having a huge outpouring of support! Sorry to all of you who I haven't emailed, called, or texted back. I'm working on it! My eyes are kind of goofy right now so I can't stand being on the computer of phone much and well phone calls seem to signal the kids to both melt down! So I will get back to you! Just might take a bit!

Thank you to EVERYoNE for all the prayers and thoughts! Keep them coming!