Still waiting!

Not much going on here! I'm anxiously awaiting my appointment next week with Plastics! Hopefully I'll leave there with a plan and some answers!

Added a counter and other boring things!

I thought it would be fun to add a counter although the one I used is just a free one and I'm not sure it captures google reader pulls (anyone know?)... I wish I would have done this when I started since now I am toward the end of my boob journey I am guessing that my readers are getting bored! Although I still get random emails from readers who are going through a similar journey, looking for advice, or having questions! And really that's what it is all about. 1- keeping my family and friends up to date and 2- hoping to help out others going through a similar journey and decision making process.

On a few other notes....

We took a big family trip to Florida and I got to wear a swim suit... Well that was a little ridiculous. Since I still have the expanders, I was well, very chesty! And very fake looking! Since the expanders are so hard and round, there is no give and they don't look natural at all. Under clothing they look fantastic, in a swim suit well not as much. Part of it too is that I've never had a chest at all (was a 32A petite to start) so not being used to it, it was a little much. But I wasn't going to let that stop me! We went swimming and had a blast!

I'm getting excited for my follow up appointment with plastics in a month. It will be nice to have somewhat of a plan for my next surgery. I'm a planner and like to know whats going to happen and when so being in a weird limbo land waiting for my next surgery is a little challenging. I have a surgical date, now I just need the details!

I've found a few things that are difficult with the expanders in....

Scrubbing. Apparently you use your pecs a lot more than you think! If I am scrubbing the table or counter, I can feel an uncomfortable tightness in my right chest. The expanders don't have any give so basically put a softball under your muscle and see if you can scrub!

Shoveling snow... ok, I knew this one may be more difficult but since I dont have pain I figured I would give it a shot. I've had to shovel a couple times and it doesn't hurt but it makes everything tight and achey (more so than just shoveling normally would). It also makes my arms feel weaker since my pecs can't handle the weight!

Bending over things.... Like leaning over the back of the couch to grab my laptop that I keep back there. I am unaware of where my boobs are in space and due to some remaining numbness can feel the pressure of them pushing on the back of the couch but can't determine how hard they are being squished. And they are hard so have no give. Weird.

So after my next surgery everything will be much more natural! And that will be a good thing.

I do like having boobs though! T-shirts and clothing look great and actually fit! I told my husband that not many people get to upgrade their wife the appropriate way!

Happy Valentines!

Just two months until surgery! I am excited to finally be almost done but not so excited for everthing that comes with surgery: pain, time away from work {which also means tons to do when I return}, but most importantly time not being as present with my kids and family. I am hoping for a speedy recovery this time without complications and hopefully a shorter time away from work. I am surprised at how little the expanders have really impacted my life the past 4 months while I've waited for surgery number 2. I thought my life would be more "on hold" until I was done but life has been moving right along with lots of fun, trips, and family time. Its been 8 months since my initial surgery and although I had hoped to be completed by now, its been ok. The complications, hyperbaric, and super slow expansion slowed the process down but in the end it will all be worth it.

Numerous surgeries, complications, hyperbaric, time down and out...worth it....increased life, decreased worry, increased love, being present for all of those memorable moments in my kids lives....Priceless

Stalking...

An upcoming trip to warmer weather led me to Penneys to grab a black bra for our trip... Now you wouldn't think this would be a big deal. I purposely picked JCP since they have super cheap under 20$ bras and seeing as I'll only need it for a couple months I didn't want to make an investment. Typically there, you can wander around, no one bugs you, just shop for what you need and go.

So I arrive and wander through the bras. I only have a little bit of time so wanted to go in and get my shopping done fairly quickly... Now trying to find one that doesn't have an underwire (can't use one with expanders) and that doesn't have a ton of padding (definitely don't need that!) but has at least has some form. Right away an older lady (65-70ish) comes right over, "do you need help finding something"... "nope, just looking"....I wander to a different rack..."looks like you know what you are looking for"... "yep, just looking"..... Wander to a different section of the bra section...."are you sure you don't need help"..... Nope. Seriously, this lady followed me all around the area and wouldn't leave me alone! 1-I will ask for help if I need it, 2- I already shoowed you away numerous times, and 3- I really don't want to be measured or have to explain expanders etc... I just want to try on a couple cheap bras and finish my shopping.

I finally find two different ones that seem like they may work. Of course they don't have the right size, I need a 32D right now and the closest is a 34C.... So I try them both on (after stalking lady followed me over to the dressing rooms). One was ok but the band around was too loose. The other one was good enough for the 15$ I was going to spend on it. Now it happened to actually be a maternity bra but it was underwireless and who cares, it worked. Then yelled into the dressing room, "are you doing ok? Do they fit?".... umm is that the lady now yelling into me in the dressing room? Really?

I make it to the check out and she comments on how more people are buying the maternity bras instead of regular ones since they are so much more comfortable. Can I please just buy my bra and get out of here. Plus how would she know that I wasn't pregnant or breast feeding... She then followed me out of the department.

Weird and uncomfortable. Maybe next time paying more and going to a less annoying place would be worth it.

Now don't get me wrong, I am all for offering help and seeing if I need anything but after repeatedly saying no and her stalking me behind every rack, escorting me out of the department.... a little much.

Unless she thought that I looked like a creepy bra theif!

New boobs are in my future!

I called today to see if the April calendars were open yet and low and behold they were! My nurse called me and I've got a date to have my exchange surgery... APRIL 19th... Almost exactly 10 months from my initial surgery! The expanders are not the most comfortable things in the world so it will be nice to feel more normal!

My pre-surgery appointment is mid-March so I'll know more then! What I know right now is that it will be day surgery (no overnight stay). She said I could go back to work in 1-2 weeks.... WHAT!!! That doesn't seem quite right especially since I had complications and may (or may not) need hyperbaric afterwards. After talking to a couple people who had similar surgery they were out for 2-6 weeks depending on their job, recovery, etc. So for now, I'll block my work calendar for 3 weeks until I have my appointment and can find out more. Either way, sounds like I will be ready for bikini season... HAHAHA minus the pastey whiteness and not so tone mid section!

It will be nice to be done and ready to go on with life and not live in limbo land!

Been a while!

Well its been quite a while since my last post which means not much to report! Its been almost 7 months since my initial surgery...7 MONTHS! I guess the past 7 months have gone quicker than I thought!

I'm basically just in a holding pattern until I have my second surgery. I get to call next week and see if the calendars for April are open yet so that I can get it scheduled! It will be so nice to finally be done and be able to move on with my life. This isn't something that is going to define me or even be at the forefront of my mind or my life. I chose this path for one reason, to be able to live. To live without the constant fear of getting breast, ovarian, uterine, or cervical cancer. To live for my family. And most importantly to Live for my kids. They change everything. Everyone says once you have kids your life changes but I never knew how deeply my cancer history and medical issues would impact my decisions as a mom. Every cancer scare, scan, or unknown issue led to increased stress and anxiety, a fear that there was a possibility of me not being here for them, not being here able to watch them grow, not being present as a foundation, a rock, in their lives. With this surgery I have decreased my risk of many cancers and have decreased the need for many of the yearly screening tests which were very stressful for me. Something happens once you have cancer. Every screening test invokes a primal fear for what they may find. A simple blood test leads to a fear of secondary leukemia or decreasing blood counts. Every CT scan even if for a completely benign reason, leads you to think of the possibilities of finding some random tumor. I heard the term today when a patients mother spoke to our staff about her sons journey in our department..."Scanziety"... I HAVE THAT! I thought to myself. Nothing is routine or just checking to make sure. Every minor medical symptom or complaint leads to a myriad of tests and scans. There is this underlying thought in the doctors head that well there is this tiny chance it could be something. And afterwards they almost always say, oh I feel so much better now that we checked it out.

Once I am completed with my surgeries and all healed up. Life will go back to a new normal. A normal with peace knowing I did everything I could to prevent everything I could. May be unconventional or not the choice that is right for everyone but never once did I hesitate when I made this decision. I have two amazing wonderful little kiddos and they are worth living for.

D?

Seeing as I will be this size for the next 5 months as I wait for my next surgery and the fact that the kids are in a wedding next weekend, I figured I should probably get a real bra (as opposed to the thin cami bras that I have been wearing). Since I will only be this size for 5 more months, I didn't want to spend much money so headed to Penneys with my 10$ off coupon. They recommend you don't wear and underwire with expanders in since you still have numbness and may not feel if it was digging in. Well trying to find a non-underwire bra in the right size at Penneys was difficult! So I settled on the wrong size but its good enough! 34C is what I ended up with, 32D is what I needed. Apparently they don't carry many 32s and not many 34Ds either! So 34C it is for now, doesn't fit great but it was cheap and will meet my needs for the next 5 months. I am guessing when I am done with all of this I'll be a 32 small C depending on what style/brand of bras.

And when I am done, I'll be buying a whole new bra wardrobe! It is kind of exciting to know that I will be able to wear cute bras which I never have been able to wear before!