More Questions!

Just two weeks left and I've been getting a lot of the same questions so I thought I'd answer them all here (you know in case you were wondering!)....

So what size will you really be? Most likely I'll be a Full C! Possibly a small D depending on how they sit, what bra you buy etc. BUT they won't really look that big. Because my rib cage is all bent up and more of a square shape instead of an oval, having a C will balance out the bent-up-ness of my ribcage. Before my PBM my boobs didn't really stick out much further than my bent ribs so now they will!

Recovery time? This is kind of up in the air. Initially they said 1-2 weeks depending on narcotic usage but at my appointment they said restrictions for 2-4 weeks. So if all goes well and I dont need hyperbaric I'm hoping to be back at work in two weeks but if I need hyperbaric or have any issues then it will be toward the 4 week mark. Last time I went back to work way too early so this time I am going to be much more cautious and make sure I am actually ready to go back to work. The bonus of my job is that if I need to I can stay in my office and just work in there and not have to go out to my areas etc. and have the flexiblity that if I come back and think it is too much I could do half days instead as well.

Are you going to go out and buy a bunch of bras? YES! I'm super excited to be able to wear cute bras. Being a 32 A petite limited me to white, off white, and black so now I'll be able to find cute ones! My plastic surgeon does not put any limits on what types of bras he wants you to wear. Some have restrictions like no underwire or only underwire or front closure or sports bra or no sports bra, well mine has great success regardless of what bra so no restrictions there. I will however wait a little bit after surgery before going shopping due to swelling, letting the implants settle into their spot, etc. But then there is a shopping trip in my future. My coworkers even got me a Victoria Secret gift card after my last surgery so that I could have fun after this one!

Do your kids know what you are having done? Not really. Addy is 4 and JT is almost 3 so they are too young to really discuss everything. Addy is very bright and is worried about me having surgery because she doesn't want me to go away again and she wants to be able to do fun stuff this summer. She obviously remembers that last summer sucked! So what she knows right now is that mommy is having surgery again but that it will be much better and faster this time, mommy wont be going away, and she'll be able to do fun stuff. I've got a friend who will take her for ice cream or something the week after surgery, my parents will be in town to help for the weekend so hopefully its nice enough to walk to the park etc. As far as what is being done, we haven't talked about that. Last time she was able to see my drains and see my abdominal incisions where the laproscopic instruments were for the hysterectomy. Last summer she was obsessed with boobies so I didn't want to discuss that half of it with her much. We'll see how it goes this time and what questions she asks. I want to be honest and this time it should be easier since she is a little older and not talking about boobs every day! Eventually when it is age appropriate they will know my whole story. Lucky for them since they don't share my gene pool so this won't be an issue for them (man do I feel blessed about that!).

Will they look real? YES! They will, minus the scar directly above the nipple which no one will see anyway. The expanders are rock hard (literally) and do not move or feel real. The new ones will be silicone gel so they will feel squishy and move much more naturally. They are also doing the fat grafting so that they will look more normal at the top and not be flat then giant implant but will have a gradual slope like they should.

Well that's all for now! Feel free to ask me any questions (I'm obviously not shy!)!

18 days

18 days before the big day and I have so much to do and so little motivation to do it!

To do before surgery list:

• Make a bunch of meals to freeze
• Go through the kids closets (get out summery clothes, put outfits together so hubby doesn't have to)
• Get stuff together for garage sale (which also means cleaning out storage bins/piles/areas
• Get stuff wrapped up and delegated at work
• Go through living room toys and demote some to the basement or Meena's house
• Get kitchen counter organized and bills paid (our kitchen counter is a mountain of disaster!)
• Go through my closet and find all things comfy for after surgery
• Download the trial version of Adobe Lightroom (so I can have some fun while being laid up!)
• Laundry will need to be caught up, rooms cleaned, calendar of activities updated
• And plan a special Addy-Mommy day for the day before surgery!

All of this probably means I should get up and go do something!

A lot of people have asked how I feel about having surgery again... Well I knew going into it that I would need a second surgery. I am not a fan of anesthesia and the whole life in someone elses hand thing (I kinda like to be in control:) and the risk of having healing issues again and needing hyperbaric isn't a thrilling thought, but it needs to be done.

Once this is complete I will be able to move on with my life, live my life, and enjoy it. The reason for doing all of this surgery very much outweighs all the pain, incisional healing issues, lost work time, lost family time. The reason for doing the surgeries was to insanely decrease my risk of ovarian, breast, uterine, and cervical cancer. Four less things to worry about and having already been through cancer treatment more than once, it was a no brainer. There was no second guessing this decision. No wondering why me. No decision to be made. Breast cancer risk >108% left the choice of screening and hoping to catch it early or surgery.

And now the end is in sight. I have the ability to rejoin my family as a happy HEALTHY mom who now has the opportunity to live, to be a part of my kids lives, their futures, their dreams.

And as a bonus, I get to be the mom with nice new boobs. You can all be jealous now:)

A little lipo on the side...

Well I had the much anticipated Plastic Surgery Pre-Surgical appointment today! WOO Hoo! One big step toward being done!

So the final verdict.... Surgery April 19th!

After reviewing my current state, he decided that the right side had settled so the left side was bigger (remember the left side was overfilled more due to my crumpled rib cage). So unfortunately I had to get POKED today to take 35 cc's out of the left expander. And can I just say that now that my feeling is back it hurt! It's a good thing when I did the expansion that I didn't have much feeling or I never would have gotten to this size! So after removing some fluid we now have a plan! (And for those of you who haven't figured me out yet, I'm a planner and like to know what is going on!)

So.... Drum roll please...

The BIG Plan:

• Use a 1-2 inch incision (on the current incision lines) to take out the expanders and replace them with silicone gel implants.
• The gel implants will be 275-300cc's (based on the size of the right one, the left one will be a bigger implant to match the size and fill the crumpled rib cage issue) {I'm at 325 on the right now so they will be a pretty comparable size but will be more natural looking and soft, unlike the rock hard expanders}.
• Use fat grafting to fill in the gap above the implant on the left (maybe the right depending how it sits). The right one right now looks fine because I have a normal muscle on that side, the left side is basically flat on top and then the defined expander (not a nice normal slope). Ummm fat grafting? what? I don't exactly have a lot of options for fat collection! So they basically are going to do liposuction on my "flank" (or lower back, you know the back of the muffin top! except that I dont have a muffin top!). And then take that fat and inject it to fill the gap. He did give me the option to do the exchange and do the fat grafting later but I'd rather just do it all at once which is what he recommended as well.
• Hyperbaric...still up in the air. We'll wait until surgery to decide and will see how everything looks during surgery and the morning after and then will do hyperbaric if anything looks iffy at all to prevent issues from occuring.
• Surgery will be day surgery with the possibility of staying overnight if he thinks hyperbaric is needed right away otherwise I'll go home and go back the next morning.

So there it is! One month and I'll be hopefully done with most of this!

So now the frenzy begins... I'll be cleaning, organizing, and cooking up a storm to freeze a ton of meals again. That made life so much easier last time. I'll be figuring out Jareds schedule and when we may need a babysitter to help. And getting things at work in order for my coworkers.

This surgery should be much easier. Liposuction is painful and most likely will hurt more than the rest of the surgery so I'm not looking forward to that. I'll be taking 2-4 weeks off work depending how it goes.

On a heartbreaking note, AJ was sitting in the room while I was talking to Jared and she asked why someone would help with the kids and I had told her that I was having surgery and she was near tears and said she doesn't want me to go away again and doesn't want to not be able to do fun stuff since I will hurt... poor thing. We talked about how this would be different than last time and that we would still have the whole summer to do fun things. Who knew a 4 year old would process, remember, and be so worried. So we are working through that. I am going to take the day off before surgery to go do a mommy Addy day like I did last time. She seemed pleased with that.

And so let the frenzi begin!

Still waiting!

Not much going on here! I'm anxiously awaiting my appointment next week with Plastics! Hopefully I'll leave there with a plan and some answers!

Added a counter and other boring things!

I thought it would be fun to add a counter although the one I used is just a free one and I'm not sure it captures google reader pulls (anyone know?)... I wish I would have done this when I started since now I am toward the end of my boob journey I am guessing that my readers are getting bored! Although I still get random emails from readers who are going through a similar journey, looking for advice, or having questions! And really that's what it is all about. 1- keeping my family and friends up to date and 2- hoping to help out others going through a similar journey and decision making process.

On a few other notes....

We took a big family trip to Florida and I got to wear a swim suit... Well that was a little ridiculous. Since I still have the expanders, I was well, very chesty! And very fake looking! Since the expanders are so hard and round, there is no give and they don't look natural at all. Under clothing they look fantastic, in a swim suit well not as much. Part of it too is that I've never had a chest at all (was a 32A petite to start) so not being used to it, it was a little much. But I wasn't going to let that stop me! We went swimming and had a blast!

I'm getting excited for my follow up appointment with plastics in a month. It will be nice to have somewhat of a plan for my next surgery. I'm a planner and like to know whats going to happen and when so being in a weird limbo land waiting for my next surgery is a little challenging. I have a surgical date, now I just need the details!

I've found a few things that are difficult with the expanders in....

Scrubbing. Apparently you use your pecs a lot more than you think! If I am scrubbing the table or counter, I can feel an uncomfortable tightness in my right chest. The expanders don't have any give so basically put a softball under your muscle and see if you can scrub!

Shoveling snow... ok, I knew this one may be more difficult but since I dont have pain I figured I would give it a shot. I've had to shovel a couple times and it doesn't hurt but it makes everything tight and achey (more so than just shoveling normally would). It also makes my arms feel weaker since my pecs can't handle the weight!

Bending over things.... Like leaning over the back of the couch to grab my laptop that I keep back there. I am unaware of where my boobs are in space and due to some remaining numbness can feel the pressure of them pushing on the back of the couch but can't determine how hard they are being squished. And they are hard so have no give. Weird.

So after my next surgery everything will be much more natural! And that will be a good thing.

I do like having boobs though! T-shirts and clothing look great and actually fit! I told my husband that not many people get to upgrade their wife the appropriate way!

Happy Valentines!

Just two months until surgery! I am excited to finally be almost done but not so excited for everthing that comes with surgery: pain, time away from work {which also means tons to do when I return}, but most importantly time not being as present with my kids and family. I am hoping for a speedy recovery this time without complications and hopefully a shorter time away from work. I am surprised at how little the expanders have really impacted my life the past 4 months while I've waited for surgery number 2. I thought my life would be more "on hold" until I was done but life has been moving right along with lots of fun, trips, and family time. Its been 8 months since my initial surgery and although I had hoped to be completed by now, its been ok. The complications, hyperbaric, and super slow expansion slowed the process down but in the end it will all be worth it.

Numerous surgeries, complications, hyperbaric, time down and out...worth it....increased life, decreased worry, increased love, being present for all of those memorable moments in my kids lives....Priceless

Stalking...

An upcoming trip to warmer weather led me to Penneys to grab a black bra for our trip... Now you wouldn't think this would be a big deal. I purposely picked JCP since they have super cheap under 20$ bras and seeing as I'll only need it for a couple months I didn't want to make an investment. Typically there, you can wander around, no one bugs you, just shop for what you need and go.

So I arrive and wander through the bras. I only have a little bit of time so wanted to go in and get my shopping done fairly quickly... Now trying to find one that doesn't have an underwire (can't use one with expanders) and that doesn't have a ton of padding (definitely don't need that!) but has at least has some form. Right away an older lady (65-70ish) comes right over, "do you need help finding something"... "nope, just looking"....I wander to a different rack..."looks like you know what you are looking for"... "yep, just looking"..... Wander to a different section of the bra section...."are you sure you don't need help"..... Nope. Seriously, this lady followed me all around the area and wouldn't leave me alone! 1-I will ask for help if I need it, 2- I already shoowed you away numerous times, and 3- I really don't want to be measured or have to explain expanders etc... I just want to try on a couple cheap bras and finish my shopping.

I finally find two different ones that seem like they may work. Of course they don't have the right size, I need a 32D right now and the closest is a 34C.... So I try them both on (after stalking lady followed me over to the dressing rooms). One was ok but the band around was too loose. The other one was good enough for the 15$ I was going to spend on it. Now it happened to actually be a maternity bra but it was underwireless and who cares, it worked. Then yelled into the dressing room, "are you doing ok? Do they fit?".... umm is that the lady now yelling into me in the dressing room? Really?

I make it to the check out and she comments on how more people are buying the maternity bras instead of regular ones since they are so much more comfortable. Can I please just buy my bra and get out of here. Plus how would she know that I wasn't pregnant or breast feeding... She then followed me out of the department.

Weird and uncomfortable. Maybe next time paying more and going to a less annoying place would be worth it.

Now don't get me wrong, I am all for offering help and seeing if I need anything but after repeatedly saying no and her stalking me behind every rack, escorting me out of the department.... a little much.

Unless she thought that I looked like a creepy bra theif!