New boobs are in my future!

I called today to see if the April calendars were open yet and low and behold they were! My nurse called me and I've got a date to have my exchange surgery... APRIL 19th... Almost exactly 10 months from my initial surgery! The expanders are not the most comfortable things in the world so it will be nice to feel more normal!

My pre-surgery appointment is mid-March so I'll know more then! What I know right now is that it will be day surgery (no overnight stay). She said I could go back to work in 1-2 weeks.... WHAT!!! That doesn't seem quite right especially since I had complications and may (or may not) need hyperbaric afterwards. After talking to a couple people who had similar surgery they were out for 2-6 weeks depending on their job, recovery, etc. So for now, I'll block my work calendar for 3 weeks until I have my appointment and can find out more. Either way, sounds like I will be ready for bikini season... HAHAHA minus the pastey whiteness and not so tone mid section!

It will be nice to be done and ready to go on with life and not live in limbo land!

Been a while!

Well its been quite a while since my last post which means not much to report! Its been almost 7 months since my initial surgery...7 MONTHS! I guess the past 7 months have gone quicker than I thought!

I'm basically just in a holding pattern until I have my second surgery. I get to call next week and see if the calendars for April are open yet so that I can get it scheduled! It will be so nice to finally be done and be able to move on with my life. This isn't something that is going to define me or even be at the forefront of my mind or my life. I chose this path for one reason, to be able to live. To live without the constant fear of getting breast, ovarian, uterine, or cervical cancer. To live for my family. And most importantly to Live for my kids. They change everything. Everyone says once you have kids your life changes but I never knew how deeply my cancer history and medical issues would impact my decisions as a mom. Every cancer scare, scan, or unknown issue led to increased stress and anxiety, a fear that there was a possibility of me not being here for them, not being here able to watch them grow, not being present as a foundation, a rock, in their lives. With this surgery I have decreased my risk of many cancers and have decreased the need for many of the yearly screening tests which were very stressful for me. Something happens once you have cancer. Every screening test invokes a primal fear for what they may find. A simple blood test leads to a fear of secondary leukemia or decreasing blood counts. Every CT scan even if for a completely benign reason, leads you to think of the possibilities of finding some random tumor. I heard the term today when a patients mother spoke to our staff about her sons journey in our department..."Scanziety"... I HAVE THAT! I thought to myself. Nothing is routine or just checking to make sure. Every minor medical symptom or complaint leads to a myriad of tests and scans. There is this underlying thought in the doctors head that well there is this tiny chance it could be something. And afterwards they almost always say, oh I feel so much better now that we checked it out.

Once I am completed with my surgeries and all healed up. Life will go back to a new normal. A normal with peace knowing I did everything I could to prevent everything I could. May be unconventional or not the choice that is right for everyone but never once did I hesitate when I made this decision. I have two amazing wonderful little kiddos and they are worth living for.

D?

Seeing as I will be this size for the next 5 months as I wait for my next surgery and the fact that the kids are in a wedding next weekend, I figured I should probably get a real bra (as opposed to the thin cami bras that I have been wearing). Since I will only be this size for 5 more months, I didn't want to spend much money so headed to Penneys with my 10$ off coupon. They recommend you don't wear and underwire with expanders in since you still have numbness and may not feel if it was digging in. Well trying to find a non-underwire bra in the right size at Penneys was difficult! So I settled on the wrong size but its good enough! 34C is what I ended up with, 32D is what I needed. Apparently they don't carry many 32s and not many 34Ds either! So 34C it is for now, doesn't fit great but it was cheap and will meet my needs for the next 5 months. I am guessing when I am done with all of this I'll be a 32 small C depending on what style/brand of bras.

And when I am done, I'll be buying a whole new bra wardrobe! It is kind of exciting to know that I will be able to wear cute bras which I never have been able to wear before!

Almost a month!

Well its been almost a month since my final fill (and my last post)! So where am I at now... Well, I've got approximately 5 months until surgery number 2, I'm having zero pain, no issues, and really not thinking about any of this much at all.

We have been super busy lately with kid stuff, birthday parties, wedding stuff (sister in law is getting married and both kids are in the wedding), getting ready for winter, painting the living/dining/kitchen... just busy! Which is good at the moment as winter is approaching and things will calm down as we retreat into the warmth of the house and avoid the bitter cold.

I can pretty much do anything now. My range of motion is basically fully back minus the ability to hang from my arms like on monkey bars or anything... not that I have a big need to be doing that but attempted a few times at the park and its so not happening. Otherwise, life is good.

It does all seem a little surreal. Three surgeries on one day which took a bunch of my insides out... After thinking about all of the surgeries that I have had in my life, it all just seems normal to me. A weird surreal normal. I've had near half my pelvic bone taken out and donor bone put in, a chunk taken out of my left lung, a revision to the donor bone graft, half my colon removed, numerous central lines placed and taken out, numerous bone marrow biopsies, and now my ovaries, tubes, uterus, and mastectomy with expanders....And I'm sure I am missing some other random surgery. For me, missing parts is just part of life! So far I really haven't missed anything that I am missing. Life is far to important than to waste time worrying about losing parts and instead focus on staying healthy, living life, enjoying every day, loving my kids and cherishing the moments that matter.

And so I will be enjoying the winter months, I can't complain so far we haven't had gigantor snow storm yet so already winter is off to a good start! Before I know it, spring will be here and I will be preparing for my next surgery which will be nice to put this chapter behind me and move on... healthier.. happier... and not worried about when cancer may occure but instead focused on the future, the kids, and living life.

Final Fill!

I had my FINAL fill today!!! WOoo hooo!!!!

50 more on the left and only 20 on the right to even it all out! So now at 385/325 which is even because of my lovely deformed chest cavity!

So plan now... do nothing! I'll call back in 3 months to schedule a surgical date for 3 months after that! So hoping end of April beginning of Mayish! Which will leave plenty of my summer to be enjoyed!

Its kind of crazy to think how well the fills went give I got off to such a rough start. Amazing really. So now I have finished another HUGE milestone, a big step in this journey. The next surgery should be much easier since everything will be stretched and is basically just a switch out for real implants. That and the fact that I am only having one surgery instead of three at once!

I am fairly sore tonight and am assuming tomorrow won't be the most comfortable but I am done!

I am guessing the blog may be a bit quiet for a while which is a good thing! I'll pop in once in a while but hopefully there is nothing to report!

Thank you all for the continued support!

"I check out the boobies"

Apparently some small people in my life are noticing my ever growing chest! The other night my son (2) was sitting on my lap, touched my boob and said "iPod"... um no (1- I have no iPod and 2- if I did that wouldnt be it!)... So I told him it was my boob to which he replied, "um, I check out the boobies?"...um no... it was hysterical and due to our reaction he happily said it numerous more times with a big smile on his face. Then last night he climbed up on my lap, put his hand on my chest, smiled and said, I check out the boobies. Nice kid huh! So needless to say my charming little 2 year old son thinks he is a very funny little boy!

I saw plastics today (YAY) after having a 3 week break due to my surgeon being out of town and the nurse wanting me to have him see my progress before deciding on a final volume. So my real volume when my real implants are in will be somewhere between the last two fills. Starting with this fill everything is over fill. So I got 60 on the left side (smaller side from my bent ribcage) and 40 on the right which brings my grand totals to 335/305. So I will have one more fill and hopefully do another 50/40 which should even the last little bit out and get me big enough to stretch the skin enough for the real implants.

I was able to nail down a little more for a surgical time frame. If I get the next fill by the end of the month then surgery would be Aprilish. He's unsure if we will do hyperbaric before, after, both, or neither... he seems to think that my skin is much better now and that with the technique he is going to use that I may not need it as long as I eat a ton of meat protein before then! So we'll see. He thinks that it will just be day surgery as well!

So we'll see how I feel tomorrow and if I want to do a fill next week or the week after. I am pretty sore from this one so may wait a little longer than a week but we'll see.

Its nice to have at least a sort of tentative plan for when things will happen so I can start planning my life and not live in limbo land.

So once again I move forward and feel really good about this whole decision and am SO glad that I was given the gift of a choice.

Uppitty up up!

Another fill down! Tuesday I had another fill and had 50 put in the left smaller side and 40 put in the right side. I would have done 50 but the skin looked tight and they don't want to over do it. Plus at some point they need to start evening them out!

So the plan is to see the Doc in 3 weeks (he's out of town) and then decide how many more fills and what amount they want my to be at as my overfill. Initially it was 300 but it may be a bit more now.

This fill was the first one where I could really feel the expansion happening. Amazingly I was only a little sore that night and the next morning and am already back to feeling fine and the skin is all stretched nicely.

It is odd how much better I feel having real boobs! I've always been pretty flat and its really never bothered me. I've never really thought much of it. I guess surviving childhood bone cancer puts little things into perspective and it never really bothered me. But now having them, its kind of nice! I can wear shirts I couldn't before. I look normal in a swimsuit. I feel more girly. I was much more modest prior to having any boobs and now I would show just about anyone! They are great! I guess as long as I am going through all of this a little perk (no pun intended) is a good thing!

So I go back October 12th to come up with a plan!